What this episode is about
Women going through menopause are two and a half times more likely to initiate divorce. A quarter of them say menopause played a part in why the marriage ended.
Key takeaways
- Menopause and divorce often collide, and identity gets dismantled twice at once: the wife role disappears at the same time the reproductive-years identity does.
- Readiness to date again shows up as attraction built on inspiration rather than deprivation, and as being able to name your own contribution to what ended the last relationship.
- Consent is not a single yes or no. It gets created every time two people come together, and it starts with consent to yourself before it extends to a partner.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
Why I started this podcast
“That's why really the impetus of starting this podcast was really to empower women with those tools, with the language to really access these intimate parts of themselves.”
Shatter the pieces, build a mosaic
“And I often look at divorce like something like that is like throw it on the ground, let all the pieces shatter, and then let's see what amazing piece of art, what masterpiece we can create that will be something totally brand new.”
Menopause asks: is this it?
“This is my life and my life is precious. What do I really want to do with it and is this it? And that is such a big question.”
Vulnerable first, then generous
“I can trust that someone else can show up for me, too. And so with that, I can be vulnerable. And when I'm vulnerable, then I can be generous.”
“For many women, this chapter isn't just about starting over, it's about starting differently. Divorce often comes at a time when so much is already shifting. Our bodies are changing, our desires are changing.”
Gabriella Espinosaat 0:54
Hear this momentFeel more pleasure, 10 minutes a day.
10 Days of Pleasure is free. One 10-minute turn-on in your inbox each day. Each one comes with the expert from my podcast who explains why it works.
Day 1 lands in your inbox in a minute. My letter comes after the 10 days, and you can unsubscribe any time.
Show notes
Dr. Jasmonae Joyriel, a clinical psychologist and founder of Ignite Anew, joins to map dating after divorce in midlife. The argument starts with a double identity collapse: losing the wife role at the same moment menopause dismantles the reproductive-years identity. From there the conversation builds a readiness checklist, moves into concrete safety practices for meeting strangers online, and lands on consent as something renegotiated every time rather than granted once.
Read the full show notesShow less
Rediscovering yourself after divorce, especially during midlife and menopause, can feel overwhelming. When decades of partnership end, you're left asking: Who am I now? What do I really want? And if you're thinking about dating again, how do you navigate desire, boundaries, and intimacy in this completely new chapter?
In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Dr. Jasmonae Joyriel, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Ignite Anew, to explore dating after divorce in midlife. Whether you're already back in the dating world or just considering it, this conversation offers practical guidance on rebuilding your identity, establishing non-negotiables, and approaching new relationships from a place of authenticity and empowerment.
Highlights from our discussion include:
- Date yourself first before dating others. Before entering the dating world, reconnect with who you are now - not who you were in your twenties or thirties. Explore what brings you to life, revisit shelved dreams, and give yourself permission to want what you truly desire. If you don't know how to date yourself, you can't authentically date someone else.
- Recognize the signs you're ready to date. You're ready when you're dating because it adds to your life (not anchors it), when you've identified your contribution to past relationship dynamics, and when you can articulate how you want to date - casually, for commitment, or somewhere in between. Dating should feel like "sprinkles on top," not the whole pie.
- Establish your non-negotiables rooted in your current values. Your values have likely evolved since your last relationship. Clarify what matters now: What does generosity look like in a partner? What inspires you versus deprives you? Defining these before dating ensures your compass points north every time.
- Expand your definition of sex and intimacy. Menopause, body changes, and shifting desire call for a more expansive "erotic pantry." Move beyond penetrative sex to include sensual massage, kissing, touch, and varied forms of pleasure. Consent isn't binary - it's created fresh each time by asking, "What do I want to do today?"
- Prioritize safety conversations early - STIs, boundaries, and consent. Have adult conversations about sexual health, testing, and relationship structures within the first few dates. Discuss these topics in non-sexual settings (over coffee, during a walk) so decisions aren't made in heated moments. Your safety and agency matter, and the right partner will respect that.
Dating after divorce in midlife isn't just about starting over - it's about starting differently. This is your opportunity to create beauty out of ruin, to rewrite your script, and to build relationships that truly align with who you've become. Remember: vulnerability, curiosity, and clear communication are your greatest assets. Whether you're ready to dive in or still figuring things out, give yourself permission to move at your own pace and honor what you need.
About Dr. Jasmonae Joyriel:
Dr. Jasmonae Joyriel, licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Ignite Anew, helps high-performing individuals and couples transform their relationships, friendships, and sex lives. A Spelman alumna with advanced degrees from Northwestern University and the University of Denver, she brings nearly a decade of experience across mental health centers, VA hospitals, and private practice. Specializing in how past experiences shape present needs, Dr. Joyriel offers a holistic, evidence-based, and embodied approach that goes beyond mindset to create mind-health. She delivers personalized therapy, couples work, and immersive retreats that empower clients to navigate sex, dating, friendships, and personal growth with depth and lasting fulfillment.
CONNECT WITH DR JASMONAE JOYRIEL:
Medical Disclaimer: The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.
About the guest
Dr. Jasmonae JoyrielLicensed clinical psychologist and founder of Ignite AnewGuest on this episode of Pleasure in the Pause.More about them
