What this episode is about
Gabriella Espinosa and Dr. Maria Sophocles they explore what is actually happening to women's bodies in midlife and why so many of us were never properly prepared.
Key takeaways
- Dr. Maria Sophocles defines the bedroom gap as the difference in expectations and abilities between partners, most commonly between men and women.
- Dr. Maria Sophocles says lube helps in the moment but works only as a buffer. To change the cells of the vulva and vagina, she says you need vaginal estrogen or systemic estrogen.
- Dr. Maria Sophocles says about 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and that Hollywood teaches the opposite.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
Welcome, if you feel alone with this
“If you've ever felt alone in your questions about sex and intimacy in midlife, you are not alone, and you are not without options.”
What the bedroom gap means
“The bedroom gap refers to the difference in expectations and abilities between partners, most commonly between men and women.”
Why your doctor may not have answers
“Most doctors in the United States still did not really have specific menopause training, which is why if you're having sexual pain with sex, loss of libido, it's not a guarantee that your doctor's really going to know what to do.”
“We're taught sex. Just be careful and don't get pregnant and don't get a disease. It's all negative terminology and it's very fear based. It's not pleasure based.”
Dr. Maria Sophoclesat 7:54
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Show notes
Have you found yourself wondering why your libido has left the bedroom? Or maybe thinking, why does sex feel different now, and why didn't anyone prepare me for this? If you have felt confused, frustrated, disconnected from your body, or quietly worried that midlife and menopause might mean the end of pleasure, this episode is for you. In this conversation on Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa welcomes back Dr. Maria Sophocles, board-certified obstetrician gynecologist, menopause specialist, sexual counselor, and author of the new book The Bedroom Gap: Rewrite the Rules and Roles of Sex in Midlife. Together, they explore what is actually happening to women's bodies in midlife and why so many of us were never properly prepared.
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Maria Sophocles is a gynecologist, author and public advocate for women's health. Her mission to close the gendered healthcare gap inspired her viral TED talk and book, The Bedroom Gap, about what happens to sex in midlife. Her efforts to provide access to contraception in New Jersey changed the state’s constitution. Her virtual clinic serves women in eleven US states and internationally. She is currently working on a documentary about sex and menopause. She is married with four grown children.
Highlights from our discussion include:
- This concept identifies the broad cultural and medical forces that create disparities in sexual expectations and experiences between partners.
- Localized estrogen, hyaluronic acid, and FDA-approved medications like Addyi provide clinical paths to resolving midlife sexual health issues.
- Inherited androcentric scripts and historical shame often prevent women from advocating for their own pleasure and health.
- The Mind, Meds, Medicine, Movement, and Moisture framework offers a structured roadmap for reclaiming sexual vibrancy.
- Sexual health functions as a vital pillar of longevity by lowering blood pressure and serving as an antidote to loneliness.
If this conversation opened your eyes to what is possible when it comes to sexual pleasure in midlife, please subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause for more honest, evidence based conversations about menopause, sexual health, and embodiment.
If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at pleasureinthepause.com for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.
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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.
About the guest
Dr. Maria SophoclesOB-GYN, author of The Bedroom Gap2 episodes with Dr. Maria Sophocles on Pleasure in the Pause.See all their episodes
