What this episode is about
Find your path back to pleasure after motherhood with mindfulness practices, conversation starters, and journaling prompts that help reconnect with your sensual self in midlife.
Key takeaways
- Gabriella shares that the moment she became a mom, it felt like a switch flipped and the honeymoon energy with her husband dimmed.
- Gabriella says midlife is a new entry point for your sensuality, a reawakening and a chance to choose yourself, maybe for the first time.
- Gabriella says midlife lets you widen sex beyond penetration or performance and ask what kind of pleasure you want to receive. After years of giving, you are invited to receive.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
When motherhood dimmed the fire
“It was almost like the moment I became a mom, I flipped a switch and that fiery can't keep my hands off of you honeymoon energy with my husband, it just dimmed.”
Midlife is a new entry point
“Midlife is not the end of your sensuality. It's a new entry point, a reawakening, an invitation to choose yourself, maybe for the first time.”
After years of giving, you may receive
“We get to open the definition beyond penetration or performance. And we get to ask, what kind of pleasure do I want to receive? Because if you've spent years giving, you're allowed. No, you're invited to receive.”
Your pleasure belongs to you
“Your pleasure belongs to you. And it's not too late to redefine what it looks like. It's not too late to decide what turns you on, what lights you up, and how you want to feel in your body.”
“Have there been parts of yourself, beautiful, vital parts, that you've quietly orphaned because you thought they'd hold you back? I have.”
Gabriella Espinosaat 0:47
Hear this momentFeel more pleasure, 10 minutes a day.
10 Days of Pleasure is free. One 10-minute turn-on in your inbox each day. Each one comes with the expert from my podcast who explains why it works.
Day 1 lands in your inbox in a minute. My letter comes after the 10 days, and you can unsubscribe any time.
Show notes
Watch on YouTube:
Motherhood asks so much of us.
We pour ourselves into our families, our homes, our roles. It feels almost instinctive, necessary for survival. We give and give, holding it all together, often without stopping to ask, What about me?
But somewhere beneath the to-do lists, the endless giving, and the constant care, there are parts of us that get lost. The parts that still long to receive, to be seen, to feel alive in our own skin.
Read the full show notesShow less
For me, it was my sexual self... the part of me that felt playful, sensual, and deeply connected to my body.
When I became a mother, I started to turn down the volume on her. That fiery, can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you energy I once felt towards my husband? It dimmed.
She felt too much. Too wild. Too selfish.
Because where did she fit in a life of cookie baking, soccer practice, and PTA meetings?
How could she show up when I was so busy being the perfect mother, the devoted wife, the gracious people-pleaser who smiled and said yes when I really meant no?
So I pushed her away. Not in one dramatic moment... but slowly, over time.
I said, “Not tonight, I’m exhausted.” I said, “Maybe on the weekend.” I said, “Shhh, the kids might hear us.”
And for a long time, I didn’t even notice she was gone.
When Perimenopause Arrives: The Turning Point
But then midlife arrived.
My kids started to grow up and leave. My relationships shifted.
And suddenly, there was this space, this silence, where I found myself standing in front of the mirror asking,
- Who am I now?
- Who am I as a woman who wants? Who desires?
- Who still wants to feel sensual and alive in her body?
Perimenopause didn’t just arrive... it crashed in, bringing its own set of challenges.
The hormones that once fueled my desire started to shift, and my body felt like it had a big “do not disturb” sign hanging on it.
The soft folds. The weight gain. The changing skin.
I didn’t feel sexy... I felt invisible, even to myself.
I would wear the least flattering thing I could find to bed, half-hoping my husband wouldn’t notice me.
Spoiler: he still did. He didn’t care about my cellulite.
But I did. I was the one who couldn’t see past it.
And in those quiet moments, staring at my own reflection, I would ask myself, "Where did she go? The woman who once felt vibrant, desirable, alive? Is she really gone?"
Reclaiming Pleasure: A New Understanding
Here’s the thing: she was never gone. She was just waiting. Waiting for me to give myself permission to remember her.
In Eastern traditions, sexual energy (what we call pleasure) is seen as essential energy. It’s your life force. Your Qi. It’s the current of energy that moves not just through us but through everything... the air, the earth, the rivers, the plants.
When we abandon our pleasure, we’re not just losing touch with our sexuality. We’re losing access to that aliveness. To our essence.
And as we move through menopause, we have an opportunity to redefine what pleasure means... to us, for us.
Because the truth is, sexual pleasure doesn’t end with motherhood or menopause. It can actually get better.
Why Pleasure Gets Better With Age: The Evidence
A study by the Kinsey Institute found that 60% of women over 60 reported enjoying intimacy just as much, if not more, than in their younger years.
Why?
- Freedom from periods and contraception worries
- Increased confidence in communicating wants and needs
- More time to explore intimacy without kids at home
- A clearer sense of what truly feels good
Pleasure is not something we lose. It’s something we get to redefine. We get to decide what it looks like, how we want to receive it, and how we want to express it in our own bodies and in our own way.
The Benefits of Reclaiming Pleasure Beyond the Bedroom
Reconnecting with our sensual selves isn’t just about intimacy, it’s about vitality, health, and overall well-being. Here’s what prioritizing pleasure can do for you:
- Emotional Healing: Intimate touch releases oxytocin, fostering deeper bonds and emotional connection.
- Stress Relief: Physical connection reduces cortisol, calming the nervous system.
- Self-Esteem Boost: When we feel connected to our bodies, we feel more confident in our skin.
- Physical Health: Sexual activity increases blood flow, keeps pelvic floor muscles strong, and maintains vaginal health.
- Cognitive Support: Intimacy can boost memory and cognitive function.
Your Guide to Reclaiming Pleasure in Midlife Motherhood
If you’re ready to reconnect with the woman you were before you became a mother, here’s how to begin:
1. Practice Mindfulness
- Take five minutes each day to just be with yourself.
- Focus on the sensations of your body, the warmth of your skin, the beat of your heart, the softness of your breath.
2. Reconnect With Your Body
- Look at yourself in the mirror with compassion.
- Notice the parts of you that feel soft, strong, tender.
- Ask yourself, What would it feel like to receive touch here?
3. Open Conversations
- What did you learn about pleasure growing up?
- What do you wish someone had told you about sensuality in midlife?
- What stories about sexuality have you inherited from your mother or other women? Are they still true?
4. Journaling Prompts to Reclaim Your Sensual Self
- Who am I now as a sensual being?
- What kind of pleasure do I want to receive in this season of life?
- What does it look like to feel fully alive in my body, on my terms?
A New Chapter Begins
Motherhood changes us. It asks us to give and give... and we do it instinctively. But midlife offers us a chance to come back to ourselves.
To ask:
- What do I want to receive?
- How do I want to feel in my body?
- How do I reclaim the parts of me that got lost beneath the labels of mother, wife, caregiver?
Because we don’t have to choose between being a mother and a lover. We can be both. We are both.
✨ If you’d like to go deeper, I’d love to invite you into The Midlife Pleasure Collective, my sacred monthly membership space where women in midlife come together to reconnect with their sensuality, ignite their confidence, and come home to their bodies.
Inside, we explore sensual practices, receive expert guidance, and gather in supportive community, so you don’t have to do this alone.
And this week, in honor of Mother’s Day, when you join, you’ll receive a free 30-day access pass to gift to another woman in your life, a sister, a daughter, a friend, or maybe even your mom.
💗 Join us at pleasureinthepause.com
Let’s rewrite the story of the women we’re becoming together. 💗
About your host
Gabriella EspinosaI talk with doctors and experts about pleasure, desire and feeling fully alive in midlife. This one's just me.More about me
