What this episode is about
Did you know that 70% of women fake orgasms? Dr. Laurie Mintz reveals why this happens and how midlife women can reclaim authentic pleasure.
Key takeaways
- Gabriella says pleasure builds pleasure. Every small bit of enjoyment grows your capacity to feel more, in the bedroom and out of it.
- Dr. Laurie Mintz points to a study of people having great sex. Researcher Peggy Kleinplatz found the best sex started at age 50.
- Dr. Mintz says only four to 18% of women orgasm from penetration alone, depending on the study. The rest need outside stimulation, alone or with penetration.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
The myth that pleasure ends at midlife
“It's really one of the most prevalent myths in midlife that once we hit midlife, or once we hit menopause, that our sexual pleasure is over.”
Our partners are in the dark too
“Our partners are totally in the dark as well, and I think they would feel so grateful as well to learn this, to take the time to learn this.”
Pleasure builds pleasure
“I always say that pleasure builds pleasure that builds our capacity to experience more pleasure in so many other aspects of our life, whether it's in the bedroom or out of the bedroom.”
“Be honest, are you faking it in the bedroom? If you are, you are not alone. Studies show that up to 70% of women have faked an orgasm at least once.”
Gabriella Espinosaat 0:00
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Show notes
Are you faking it in the bedroom? You are not alone. Up to 70% of women report faking orgasm at least once to please their partner. This week, I'm thrilled to interview Dr. Laurie Mintz, trailblazing psychologist, professor of human sexuality, and author of Becoming Cliterate about redefining sexual satisfaction for midlife women.
With over 30 years of experience, Dr. Mintz has dedicated her career to empowering women to understand their bodies and reclaim their pleasure. Her TEDx talk has garnered over 2 million views, and Forbes recently recognized her as one of their "50 Over 50" innovators.
Read the full show notesShow less
What makes Dr. Mintz's work so powerful is her ability to discuss pleasure in fun, empowering, and accessible ways. Her research challenges the common myth that pleasure ends with menopause. In fact, the opposite is true.
The Truth About Pleasure in Midlife
"The best sex starts at age 50," Dr. Mintz reveals, citing research from Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz's book Magnificent Sex. Why? Because by midlife, we:
- Know our bodies better
- Feel more comfortable expressing our needs
- Get more creative with pleasure
- Make time for intimacy rather than waiting for the perfect moment
This might sound surprising if you're experiencing changes in desire or discomfort during menopause. Dr. Mintz emphasizes that these challenges are real but not insurmountable.
Understanding Your Body's Changes
The hormonal shifts of menopause can affect our bodies in various ways:
- Thinning of vaginal tissue
- Decreased natural lubrication
- Changes in desire patterns
- Potential discomfort during intimacy
But Dr. Mintz stresses that modern medicine offers solutions. "We have outlived our uteruses," she notes. "It's like someone who loses their hearing saying 'I don't want a hearing aid.' We have to treat what happens in our bodies with a loss of estrogen."
The Power of External Stimulation
One of Dr. Mintz's key messages challenges the myth that satisfaction comes primarily from penetration. Research shows that only 4-18% of women experience orgasm from penetration alone. The majority need external clitoral stimulation.
Here's a revealing statistic: when women self-pleasure and reach orgasm, less than 2% focus on internal stimulation. Yet society's narratives about pleasure often ignore this reality.
Breaking Free from Performance Pressure
Dr. Mintz addresses why so many women fake their satisfaction: "We get frustrated or angry because we realize how much we've suppressed our desires, dismissed our pleasure, or given it away."
To break this cycle, she recommends:
- Starting with self-knowledge and acceptance
- Using mindfulness to stay present in your body
- Communicating openly with partners about needs and preferences
- Considering pleasure as essential, not selfish
Practical Steps for Rekindling Pleasure
- Schedule Time for Intimacy: "We didn't just spontaneously show up on this podcast together," Dr. Mintz points out. "We planned it. The same has to happen in busy lives for intimate encounters."
- Start Communication Outside the Bedroom: Use "I" statements and meta-communication: "I want to talk about something regarding our intimate life. I'm bringing this up because I care about our connection."
- Embrace Your Body: Practice mindfulness and focus on what your body can do rather than how it looks. As Dr. Mintz says, "It's the only body you get. It's where we live."
- Make Pleasure a Priority: "Pleasure is not frivolous," Dr. Mintz emphasizes. "The World Association of Sexual Health says pleasure is a fundamental human right."
Creating Your Pleasure Practice
Start small and build consistently:
- Take moments daily to notice physical sensations
- Practice mindfulness through breathing or meditation
- Explore what feels good without judgment
- Use quality personal care products when needed
- Consider working with qualified health professionals
The Science of Satisfaction
Research shows that orgasms in midlife offer numerous benefits:
- Reduced stress levels
- Improved sleep quality
- Better cardiovascular health
- Enhanced emotional wellbeing
- Stronger relationship satisfaction
- Greater overall life satisfaction
Final Thoughts
As Dr. Mintz beautifully states, pleasure means "embracing life - the tears and the joy, the laughter and the pain." It's about accepting all of who we are and allowing ourselves to experience life fully.
Remember: Your pleasure matters. It's not just about physical satisfaction - it's about reconnecting with yourself, strengthening relationships, and enhancing your overall wellbeing. Midlife isn't the end of pleasure - it's an invitation to redefine it on your own terms.
About our guest:Dr. Laurie Mintz is an Emeritus Professor at the University of Florida teaching Human Sexuality to hundreds of undergraduates yearly. She has published over 60 scholarly works and authored two popular press books, both with published studies demonstrating that readers enhance their sexual functioning: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex. Mintz is a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in private practice. She is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, indicating her work has had a positive national influence. In 2023, she was named one of Forbes “50 over 50” women innovators.
- Website: drlauriemintz.com
- Follow Dr. Mintz on Instagram: instagram.com/drlauriemintz
About the guest
Dr. Laurie MintzPsychologist, author of Becoming CliterateGuest on this episode of Pleasure in the Pause.More about them
